Swirls and Scribbles - A Lifestyle Blog

Loser me!

Hey! I'm back. After twenty days of busy-ness, I'm here to let it out. Feelings, thoughts and mindless opinions of mine.

NOW.
I wanna cry! Then, scream with all my might. So I could caught the attention of everyone. I'm sad and happy. Sad because I don't still have an assurance for my intership. I felt I am a major loser! Companies doesn't want me. *boo-hu-hu-huuu* I have four interviews then what did I get?? huh? Nothing. My self-esteem was crashed. Big time! Awhile ago, I'm crying. Yes! I know right? Me crying? for the love of gad, Gez! I can't help it. I'm also human. I'm ashamed, everytime I go to school with a formal attire and people keep asking, "where are you going?" For the nth time, I'll answer, "Interview". *Bullshit!* (baka sabihin nila, interview na naman, anak ng!) It feels unfair everytime I think of my other classmates. Unfair for the reason that our chairperson was responsible in finding their company. How about me? Why can't I feel that she is helping us? I know she is busy. I am irritated. hahaha I'm not fully enjoying this sembreak, if I still have some worries about the effin OJT. As the quote said, "Desperate time comes to desperate measure." It's true. I email-ed some companies, who can accept me for intership, I'm praying with all my heart so they will response in my emails. Please pray for me. People all over the world! Pray for me. Thank you. :) Our ojt will be starting next week, what will I do. Can anyone hire me?? Please. I'll kneel and beg in front of you. Just hire me as your trainee. Is that too desperate? Told yah. I'm in desperate times.

Anyways, I'm happy because its just in my nature to be happy and to be alive and to be kicking all the time. Even though, I have a little problems in the way. Thinking positive, that's me! Party everyday. Party eveyday. This week's gonna be a good week. Right?! Tell me I'm right. So I could shut up and have a peace of mind.

That's all. THE END! :)

Currently feeling: desperate and uneasy
Currently doing: uploading again the album people can't view
Currently on mind: "Do something with NOTHING"

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, by aby ♥

In change, pinoy

10-30-2008

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, by aby ♥

In change, God

Alone Time with God

With or Without Ondoy, we have our retreat at Alfonso, Cavite. I felt really lucky because I did not experience to be stranded or walked in a dirty, eeky and muddy flood of Metro Manila. FYI, almost 200 students of St. Paul Manila were stranded and slept in the campus. I'm not one of them. I'm just one of the concerned students, who wants to know if they are doing good or whatever. Lucky in a sense that we arrived safe and early at St. Paul Renewal Center.

*emergency exit - me@ room 218*

I spend my 3days and 2night dedicated for the Lord. I'm very fortunate. Others maybe panicking or hungry by that time, I was praying for them with my classmates and schoolmates. On the other hand, I felt a little guilty because we have a lot of foods to eat. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner that was our great sacrifice to eat and eat. Compare to the past retreat, this one is a life changing retreat. I learned many good thing about God.

Bro. Roland, the retreat master, a person full of energy in his body. A man who has inspires us to be different and to be a better person. (I hope) He made us laugh but his words are very striking it can hit and open ones eyes for the truth. Every words, every phrases and every sentences are important to dwell into the God's love.

The first night, he made us cry because he told us a sad story from a boy. I really controlled my tears not to fall but I can't. Before tears fall into my eyes, I was saying to myself, "Oh noo.. *sakit na ng lalamunan* hind ko na kaya, magkakaheart attack na yata ako." hahaha Suddenly,I can hear some people crying. Gez! that's hard. It made me felt more uneasy, I accidentally looked at my seatmate, who is crying already, that was the time i released my tears slowly and lost my focus from the story. With a mellow background music and a story like Bro. Roland told us I thought no one can help but to shed tears also. Afterwards, we had a sharing with my groupmates, they were teary eyes while telling the story mostly about parents, being alone and financial problems. Mine was different, second life and rebellious thoughts. It was fun. I shared a part of me to them.

*taken @ the prayer room*

The second day and night, another brother arrived it was Bro. Odey, who facilitated some activities. He made us draw a pictures in our traced hands and every finger represents something. Index finger- a word or phrase that can describe myself. Middle finger- draw greatest growth experience. Ring finger - Bad or negative attitude. Pinky finger - God's greatest gift not a person. Palm - What keeps you going in life? Wrist - name or nickname. Of course, sharing again with another set of group mates, this time with accounting or fma students. We met new friends, I again shared a part of me thru that sharing. I felt loved from God from the stories of people around me. The last session for the night was unforgettable experience. A time alone for God. It was like close encounter with God. I felt his presence. A feeling I wish lasted for long. I cried. Hagulgol to max. I tried to be quiet but there were times I can not. It ended with more hugs from my friends, my classmates and my group mates. Affection, I need it once in a while. All the burden was released. I like it.

*Last day, barkada picture*

The last day, confession and sang songs of praises. Deep inside, I don't want to end my retreat. I want to stay there. Peace of mind, tranquility are words can describe my stay in that retreat. Now, it's back to reality. Living a life with worldly temptation again but I will avoid it. God is in my heart.

Lesson in Life: "We can't have every thing we desire, but we have everything we need."

END.

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, by aby ♥

In jpcs, pinoy

Confusion

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, by aby ♥

In historical, random

Thesis

One of the stressful days of College life is thesis. You're out of place if you haven't experienced doing a thesis whether a baby thesis or an actual thesis that might be the cause of not attending in your graduation. I am happy to say that me and my groupmates have been finished doing it a while ago and also submitted it to our professor. I thank God for helping us in our desperate needs. The only challenge we are going to encounter is the defense. I know, the stress is still on. It will be next week. I should start studying our thesis. We need collaboration and the sense of being Ms. Know-it-all, even though we're not. hahaha. White lies is indeed needed. Practice makes perfect A ++. Right! Go. go.

*looking at my phone very sleeping. doing the cost and benefit analysis*

(@ninay's crib)

I felt really pressured in doing the thesis. Time pressured. The deadlines and the requirements are major cause of my sleepless nights, my 24/7 online duty, my stuttering moments, my memory gaps and my constipation(haha! secret lang natin). Too much makes my mind to clurred and narrow. Despite of thesis, we still have other systems to finish with different programming lauguage like C#, .ASP and visual basic. I have the reason to be BANGAG. For example, sleep in the class, mumble words differently that no one understand but me, get easily tired without doing too much work and going a lot of crazy things. I dunno how or why I can keep up with this shits. I can simply say, I trust God and thank Him with every single grace He has given to me. Praise the LORD! wooh. :)

*the tools we used for the thesis. me busy doing nothing*

(@ninay's room)

After September, it will be petiks time. BUM world will surely welcome me again. Party starts and drinking seesions will be part of it. I hope it will be fun sembreak because it will be my last sembreak. huhuhu Besides, I only have 2 weeks of vacation. I think. Then, implementaion time! thesis again with codes and codes. Together with our OJT, we will continue doing the f*cking thesis. I'm getting fat, for the reason that all I can do is eat, sit, type, stand and move the mouse. Very tiring and productive? haha Anyways, I'm proud to let others know I can sleep earlier!!! FUN.

END.